Porter the Hedgehog

There is a local hero in our hospital. Nope, it is not the most popular consultant, or most knowledgable registrar. Not the anaesthetist, the general surgeon, or the ER resident. Not the super nurse, not the hospital manager, not the helicopter pilot.

This hero is someone far more useful, far more talented. His name is Sonic, and he is our hospital porter. Now most porters are lethargic, dopey, half asleep and confused. Sonic isnt! Sonic is quick, very quick. He thrashes round the hospital corridors at lightening speed. In a flash he is gone, and in a second flash he is back!

Sonic is an essential member of the emergency team. Whenever a trauma arrives in resus, or the cardiac arrest team is summoned, no one worries if the doctors do not arrive. But everyone worries if Sonic is not on duty - they know the team is severely weakened. Whispers of panic are in the air.

Whenever I see sonic in action, I am amazed. "Sonic, I need this urgent ABG sample taken to the labs and I need the results back" - and in a second, the ABG sample is out of my hand, a blur of blue disappears down the corridor, and it is back. "pCO2 of 10.1! Thanks Sonic, this was an emergency. Nurse, turn down that 100% Oxygen for goodness sake!"

I have seen Sonic carry blood from the blood bank and into resuscitation in 10 seconds flat. We are talking over a 100 metres distance. That was immense. I think I will start timing him and compare with other porters! Maybe I will set up a porter league table!

Ofcourse, Sonic has an enemy, a certain Dr. Robotnik - a devious doctor that is highly dangerous! - more on him later!

the visit of the grim reaper

I am really scared. I think I have seen the reaper. I am sure it was, I think... Could it be? Was he really here?

I was having another busy night, working hard as always, on the twilight shift - taking down an urgent blood sample to the path lab. I was heading down one of the main corridors within the hospital at a pretty rapid speed. I did not notice how cold it was, or how much darker it seemed to be this particular night.

It was only when a sudden gust of wind passed my nose did I notice it... a dark shadow, ghosting in the distance. I have never seen anything like it. It wore a long black coat and carried a long object, a stick with a shiny ending glinting back at me. I couldnt make it out, nor the face, it just seemed a blur.

Even though I was scared out of my wits, I decided to follow. I forgot all about my urgent blood tests - my heart was racing. I followed this shadow through two corridors, as silently as possible. It did not alter its path, it did not look backwards, just slowly went forward. It got colder and colder and my heart almost stopped as I saw the shadow dissapear into the cardiology ward.

I ran into the ward, swinging open the doors in a rush and in a panic. The nurses stared at me and thought I was crazy when I asked if they had seen a man wearing a long black cloak. I was out of breath and sweating. They said it had just been another normal night and visitors are not allowed on the ward after 10pm.

I left the ward looking like an idiot, and went on to deliver my urgent bloods to the path lab. Later that night, I bumped into the medical registrar - she looked tired. She said she had to run up to the cardiology ward three times that night, three patients had died following cardiac arrests. She has never seen so many patients die on one ward in one night. My face turned white when I heard that - Did I see the grim reaper enter the cardiology ward that very night?

precious one in the mess...

There is a strange creature who has suddenly appeared in the doctors mess. No one seems to knows who or what it is but it is there every day, in the same chair everytime! It is a messy creature, its shirt is creased and wears no tie. It looks half asleep or half dead, I am not sure which - the only time it moves, is to lurch out for the tv remote control.

It is becoming a bad smell, a stale odour spreading through the air - many of my colleagues have resorted to leaving the windows wide open, others have stopped coming to the mess altogether!

I wonder how long he can sit there on his own! Does he do any work? He must be developing a pressure sore! There is a rumour that he claims to be a doctor, well he certainly helps himself to the free lunches.

I finally dared to ask him who he was, and the response after a few minutes of grunting was "I am the precious one, a public health doctor". Well certainly he is not good for the health of his fellow doctors stinking out the mess like he is!

I think I will call him Golum!