Im no sho superman

Here I am, frantically pushing the notes trolley around the wards - finishing a post-take ward round, on my own.

30 patients admitted over night, a few critically ill, a few with nothing wrong and the rest with non-specific symptoms for which I dont have the time to investigate. The registrar is on study leave, my house officer off sick. The consultant has gone to start the out patient clinic early.

I start to sweat, I know the bleeps are coming soon...I wipe my brow, fill out another ultrasound request card, and rush to the next ward. Here I spend 15 minutes trying to find a nurse - only to find them in the nursing office - "having handover (with Quality Streets)". Im told to wait til their finished and scowled at.

I find the ward clerk, access the note trolley, and start again on my own. And then it comes,

BLEEP number 1.
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Out patient nurse: "Hello, out patients"

Me: "Hi, its the Surgical SHO on call, you bleeped?"

Out patient nurse: "Yes Mr Mortimer wants you down here right away, the clinic is over booked and as you know theres no registrar. Mr Mortimer has to leave by 12, he has a private theatre list"

Me: "Ok ill be there as soon as I can"

Out patient nurse: "Ill tell him you'll be down in ten minutes" - puts phone down.

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Ok, so I need to rush, back to the notes trolley. The next patient, is spiking a temperature, 2 days post op.

Me: "How you feeling today Mr. Jones?"

Patient: "I feel awful doctor, I have had severe pain in my tummy all last night".

Me: "Have you had any pain killers?"

Patient: "I asked the nurses, they said theyre busy"

Me: "Ok sir, ill get some organised for you (as palpating his rigid abdomen and diagnosing a probable anastamotic leak)".

Then I head off to find a nurse again, only for

BLEEP 2
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Me: "Hi, you bleeped"

AE SHO: "Hi mate, one of AE docs here, I have a 69 gentleman with some abdominal pain. He is slightly tachy and hypotensive, and I think I can feel a pulsatile mass. Im not sure whats going on, can you come take a look".

Me: "Kinda busy here, it sounds like it might be an AAA, is the patient round in RESUS"

AE SHO: "No, my reg said to refer it to you guys and you'll sort it out" - puts down phone.



As soon as that call went,

BLEEP 3
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Theatre staff: "Theatres"

Me: "SHO on call"

Theatre staff: "Mr Green needs you in theatre. He is performing an APER and needs another pair of hands to hold the retractor"

Me: "Im meant to be in clinic with mr Mortimer, can anyone else scrub in"

Theatre staff: "Mr Green says theatre takes priority, he expects you to be here".

I start to scratch my head, wishing I too had called off sick, as the next bleep flooded in:

BLEEP 4
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Me: "Yup"

House officer: "Hi its Trisha, the house officer on call, Im really sorry, I cant get a venflon in"

Me: "Dont worry, how many have you tried?"

House officer: "Just once, but confidence is so low now, and the patient is shouting at me".

Me: "Its cool, ill teach you a good technique later, whats the venflon for?"

House officer: "Oh, I think the patients bleeding, and their blood pressure is low"

Me: "OK, is there any other senior on the ward to see to the patient"

House officer: "Yes, but they said they were busy. I asked the anaesthatist who was doing a pre-op assessment on another patient to scannulate the patient but because im jsut a house officer, he said I need to speak to you first".

Me: "Ok, whats the patient's name"

House officer: "K Bryant, in bay 3, bed 4"


And yet another bleep:

BLEEP 5
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Nurse on other ward: "Ward 25"

Me: "Yup"

Nurse: "You didnt prescribe the loperamide we wanted for Mrs Turnbull"

Me: "She doesnt need loperamide"

Nurse: "I think she does otherwise she will need to be changed too often"

Me: "Nope, no loperamide"

Nurse: "Well who is going to do the TTO's for the patients you discharged, the bed manager wants the bed by 11am"

Me: "Tell the BED MANAGER to the damn TTO!" - as I slam the phone down and collapse to the ground!